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Technical SEO for Small Businesses: A Humorous Guide to Digital Greatness

ByJohn Mitchell

March 25, 2025
Reading Time: 4 minutes :

Technical SEO for Small Businesses: A Humorous Guide to Digital Greatness

What on Earth is Technical SEO?

Imagine you have the best shop in town. It’s got the flashiest sign, the most enticing window display, and a deal so good even your grumpy neighbour can’t resist. But – plot twist – the front door is locked, the lights are off, and there’s a herd of goats blocking the entrance. That’s your website without technical SEO.

Technical SEO ensures that your website is accessible, speedy, and easy for search engines (like Google) to understand. Without it, your site might as well be a hidden cave filled with treasure that no one can find. Let’s fix that, shall we?

Why Should Small Businesses Care About Technical SEO?

SEO
Image from https://pixabay.com/illustrations/seo-google-search-engine-896175/
Free for use under the Pixabay Content License

You might be thinking, “I’m a small business, not Amazon! Do I really need all this technical wizardry?” Yes. Yes, you do. Here’s why:

  1. Google Loves a Well-Structured Site – If your site is a mess, Google won’t bother sorting through it. A clean, well-structured site improves rankings.
  2. Faster Websites = Happy Customers – Nobody likes waiting. A slow site sends potential customers running faster than a cat that just saw a cucumber.
  3. Mobile Optimisation is No Longer Optional – Most people browse on their phones. If your site looks like a jigsaw puzzle on mobile, you’re losing business.
  4. You’ll Save Money in the Long Run – Fixing SEO problems early means fewer headaches (and expenses) later.

Speed Matters – Make Your Site Fast or Be Forgotten

How Slow is Too Slow?

If your site takes longer than 3 seconds to load, half your visitors will bounce. Yes, half! Imagine a queue of customers outside your shop, but every time they try to enter, they have to wait 10 seconds. Most would just leave, right?

How to Speed Things Up

  • Optimise Images – Don’t upload giant 10MB images. Resize and compress them (tools like TinyPNG can help).
  • Use a Content Delivery Network (CDN) – This distributes your content across multiple servers, making load times faster.
  • Minify Code – Fancy coding might look great to a developer, but it slows things down. Strip out unnecessary spaces, comments, and characters.
  • Zip file content – instead of minifying code you might be better off zipping (compressing) the code – tests that the author has done show a better return on zipping (or gzipping) the code than minyifying).
  • Enable Caching – This helps returning  (not first time) visitors load your site quicker.  Having said that it’s also possible to cache your files on your server if you use code that is generates the page content on every visit.

Mobile Optimisation – Because Everyone’s on Their Phone

Your website might look fabulous on a desktop, but what about on a smartphone? If visitors need to pinch, zoom, and do acrobatics just to read your contact details, they’ll leave.

How to Ensure a Mobile-Friendly Site

  • Use Responsive Design – Your site should automatically adjust to different screen sizes.

Crawlability – Let Google’s Spiders In

Google uses bots (called “spiders”) to crawl your website and index it. If they can’t access your pages, you won’t show up in search results. It’s like running a bakery but forgetting to unlock the door.

How to Make Your Site Easy to Crawl

  • Submit a Sitemap – This is like giving Google a treasure map to your content.
  • Check Your Robots.txt File – This tells search engines which pages to ignore (or not ignore!).
  • Check for robots meta tags on your site – These can tell search engines to ignore individual pages.
  • Fix Broken Links – Dead links make for a bad user experience and confuse search engines.

Secure Your Site – HTTPS is a Must

Would you trust a website that flashes a “Not Secure” warning in your browser? No? Neither would your customers. Google also ranks secure sites higher.

How to Secure Your Site

  • Get an SSL Certificate – This encrypts user data and makes your site secure and can be free to get dpending on your website host.
  • Regularly Update Plugins and SoftwareOutdated software is like leaving your front door wide open for hackers.

Structured Data – Speak Google’s Language

Google loves structured data because it helps it understand your content. Think of it like adding labels to your shelves so customers can find things easily.

What to Mark Up

  • Products – If you sell items, structured data helps them show up in Google Shopping.
  • Reviews – Star ratings in search results make people more likely to click.
  • FAQs – Help Google display your answers directly in search results.

Use Google’s Structured Data Markup Helper to get started.

Avoiding Common Technical SEO Mistakes

Ignoring Duplicate Content

Duplicate content (the same content on two different addresses on your site) confuses search engines. It’s like sending Google two different addresses for the same place. Use canonical tags to avoid this issue.

Forgetting to Optimise URLs

Messy URLs like yoursite.com/p=123?xyz are bad. Use clean, readable URLs instead, like yoursite.com/best-coffee-shop-london.

Not Fixing 404 Errors

If visitors keep landing on “Page Not Found” errors, they’ll leave. Regularly check for broken links and fix them.

Final Thoughts – SEO is a Long Game, Not a Sprint

Technical SEO isn’t a one-time fix. It requires ongoing attention, like watering a plant (but less messy). Keep your site fast, mobile-friendly, and secure, and you’ll set yourself up for long-term success.

So, small business owner, go forth and conquer the internet – one optimised page at a time!